In which I am a grumpy pants (or, I couldn’t be a pessimist if I tried)

12 Mar

I am feeling very negative today. It’s not negative in that way that ruins your entire day, but more in that way that has you poking fun at things or rolling your eyes a bit too much. I don’t feel upset or angry. I’m just noticing things that I find annoying or icky or, as I shall call it, “grumping.” (Not to be confused with “bitching,” which is most certainly accompanied by negative feelings and a ruined day.)

I try to keep this a positive space, but I’m gonna give myself a pass today. Sometimes, a gal needs a pass.

(I’m linking up with Shell over at Pour Your Heart Out.) (Even though the link up doesn’t start until Tuesday.)

Reason to grump No. 1: I’m SO FREAKING CLOSE to 500 sales. I feel like I rush, rush, rushed up to that number, and the final few are being elusive little bastards. (Update: Um, scratch that. I scheduled this to post at 6 p.m., and by the time I walked in my apartment a half hour later, I had three more sales. Wheeeeee 501!!!)

It’s a stupid reason to grump because first, as I type this, I went from three sales away to two; and second, I never ever ever thought I’d get to 100 sales, let alone 500. As Mr. McCartney would say, Baby, I’m amazed.)

The 498th sale.

Reason to grump No. 2: I was just perusing an online shop (not an Etsy one) and found a ridiculously fabulous skirt. I hate buying clothes online because I’m an 8/10 that can range from small to extra large, depending on the brand/style of clothing. But this was a flowy skirt that, as long as the waist fit, the rest would fit. The item came with measurements, and I found that the large included a 29-inch waist. Come again?

Now, I’m by no means a dainty gal — there is quite a bit of junk in this trunk — but since I was in junior high, I’ve had a small waist. It’s not nearly as small as it was even four years ago, but still. Tiny. There is no way on God’s great earth I could wear a skirt with a 29-inch waist without muffin topping all over that bad boy. Tell me, on what planet is a 29-inch waist large?

It’s a stupid reason to grump because that’s why there are a million and one choices out there. Clearly, this is a bad choice for me.

This is the only kind of skirt where a 29-inch waist should be considered a large. (Also: Heeeee, tubby thighs!!!)

Reason to grump No. 3: I’m confused by all the chambray love going on in the blog world. I look at a chambray shirt and see jeans for your chest. (For the uninitiated: Chambray is a material that is lightweight and yet looks suspiciously like denim.) Despite all the women who blog their chambray love being generally well-dressed and adorable, I’m still seeing this strange trend crop up, oh, everywhere. And despite the fact that I know these bloggers to have great taste, these bizarre shirts are often ill-fitting and unattractive.

Oh sure, I wear ugly things. I have this Donald Duck sundress that’s ridiculous that I absolutely love. I wear the crap out of it in summer, over bathing suits and on days when I’m playing bridesmaid (because of the way it ties, I can get my hair did and remove the dress without messing anything up … and yes, I’ve played bridesmaid enough in the past two years to have a designated “before the bridesmaid” dress ). But I would never put the sundress on and take pictures of myself telling you that this is something fashionable you could try.

It’s a stupid reason to grump because different strokes, Jac. Different strokes.

Now he could get away with wearing chambray.

Reason to grump No. 4: My phone at work is possessed. Twice last week, I miraculously received a voice mail without the phone ever ringing. And twice today, over the course of 10 minutes, it happened again. I had my coworker call me, and I watched her dial and watched my phone stay silent and un-lit-up. So I called IT. An IT fellow came over, looked at my phone, pulled out his cell phone and called me. Of course (we all know where this is going), my phone rang. It’s been silent since then. I have no idea if I’m missing calls. Kind of important for a reporter who waits for sources to call her back.

It’s a stupid reason to grump because screw that, it’s a totally legit reason to grump.

What things have you grumping lately?

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4 Responses to “In which I am a grumpy pants (or, I couldn’t be a pessimist if I tried)”

  1. PhaseThreeOfLife March 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm #

    First, it has to be said: Yay for your 500th sale!!! I’m so excited for you!

    Secondly, what is with colleagues who say they’ll get you something by your deadline and then don’t and then stop responding to your messages when you ask why? Oh so very professional. Grump.

  2. Ally March 12, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

    Congrats on that elusive sale! Plus one!
    I could hardly believe the title when I read it, because you never grump on here! And today you tried, but you still positively spun each grump reason you had, ending on a positive! See? That is what I love about you.
    But for the love of God, PLEASE tell me chambray is NOT going to get popular again! There was nothing flattering about it the first time around!

  3. Robbie March 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

    You definitely have to give yourself a pass now and then. I have been trying to do a bit o that myself & it takes the edge off for me.

  4. Shell March 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    I like that word, grump. Describes what I do, a lot.

    I had no clue what chambray was. LOL

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