On kids — or rather, a lack of them

21 Nov

I’m linking up with Northwest Mommy’s Listical. It’s my first Listical linkup ever. The topic intreigued me, in part because when I tell folks I don’t want kids and explain the reasons, I’m often not believed.

My mom doesn’t believe me. A friend who visited over the weekend looked doubtful when we talked about. And essentially being told “I think you’re lying” is frustrating. Whether to have children is a huge decision, and if the outcome is “Yes, please” or “no, thank you,” the thought-process can be a long, drawn-out and serious one. To make such a serious choice and have folks respond, “Eh, I don’t believe you” is a disheartening to say the least.

So here we go: Why Jac doesn’t want kids

1. I’m too selfish for them. I love my life. I love my boyfriend. If I’m lucky enough to one day call him my husband, I want to continue to focus on him. I don’t want our relationship to come in second place.

2. Continuing with No. 1 and being selfish: I like having money for me. I like to be spontaneous. I like to travel. I like to sleep in. I like to go out on Saturday night and not pay for a babysitter. I like to not worry about if someone is going to rip pages from or try to gnaw on my books. I like to listen to my music in the car. I don’t want to watch a show where one of the characters looks like a deformed sex toy.

3. I feel fulfilled when I’m around other children. I adore children (one of the reasons Mom doesn’t believe me that I don’t want to raise kids). I love their sillyness and their smell (when they don’t smell like poop), I love their creativity and their unabashed love. And then, I love to give them back to their parents and go on my merry way.

4. Those are all reasons why I don’t want to raise children. I’m 28, and if I change my mind, I’m  happy to adopt. However, there are reasons I don’t want to birth children, too. First, the idea of ME being pregnant creeps me out. That’s not to say pregnant women creep me out. But I have absolutely no desire to feel a baby kicking or experience That Glow. ((shudder)) That’s just weird.

5. My brother’s autistic. That shit can be in the genes, which means it’s likely hereditary.

6. This stuff has been in place since I was little. When I played with Barbies, I didn’t make them parent each other; I made them do it with each other. When my aunt gave me twin baby dolls with plastic faces screwed up in this awful wail when I was 6, I started to sob. Those little bastards scared the piss out of me.

I’ve known all this about myself for years. I’ve had some friends tell me, “That’s not being selfish; that’s being smart, and it’s knowing yourself.” I suppose that is a better way of looking at it.

 

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7 Responses to “On kids — or rather, a lack of them”

  1. PhaseThreeOfLife November 21, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

    I find it somewhat frustrating that people think just because you’re a woman and you like kids that clearly you want to have your own. Everyone is different and having children is a commitment of epic proportions. And your list? Is so very valid. Too many people enter into parenthood way too lightly. Those people end up miserable and/or divorced and their kids suffer for it. You know what you want out of life, and you’re going after it, and I think that’s awesome. If you do change your mind at some point, at least you’ll always know you really thought it through and took time to yourself. And if you don’t change your mind? Enjoy all those lazy Sunday mornings and amazing trips!

  2. Ally November 21, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

    Absolutely perfect reasons. And better yet, knowing yourself well enough to realize it just bonus points. Parenting isn’t something to take lightly or jump into just because someone else expects you to!

  3. Alison@Mama Wants This November 21, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    My sister and best friend are both married and they both knew early on they were not going to have children. They too have their own good reasons, and good for them and for you!

  4. northwestmommy November 21, 2011 at 10:08 pm #

    I am friends with many women who choose not to have children. For the longest time I was not bothered about having one of my own either. Having the choice is a gift we should all enjoy! Great list Jac.

  5. Bridget November 21, 2011 at 11:39 pm #

    Good for you for knowing who you are and what you want. It’s not for everyone & far too many people take it lightly!

  6. euregirlsandboys November 22, 2011 at 6:58 am #

    Great list – my sister-in-law feels this way, too, I think for a lot of the same reasons you listed. She’s an awesome aunt and loves being around my kids – and then leaving and doing what she wants without having to be responsible for them. I think it’s so much better to know these things about yourself and therefore not have kids – than to have them and learn this after the fact. Thank you so much for sharing!

  7. christina November 22, 2011 at 8:31 am #

    i agree with the friends who tell you that you’re being smart. there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with not wanting children- especially with the given reasons! and you are still young so if you change your mind, that’s your perrogative as well. as long as you’re enjoying yourself and life, that’s all that matters when it comes down to it.

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