Certain people should be not allowed to procreate

22 Sep

Now come on, don’t tell me that exact thought has never run through your head. It may be one of a million things that makes you say, “That person should never, ever be a parent.” Like the racist ho-dog from the gas station (it’s the third bullet).

Well, I may have seen something that tops that. It didn’t make me as shaking-in-my-shoes angry as the gas station “woman” (I really don’t want to classify her with a word I use to classify myself), but the parental inability might be worse.

(Before you go off on me and say, “You don’t have a child, you don’t know,” let me assure you and say: You don’t have to have children to spot something this wrong.)

(Also, this is really gross. If you have a tender gag reflex, stop reading.)

A friend and I went to lunch today. The waitress seated us and took our order. Immediately after she walked away, we heard it: This awful, terrible, deep-down-in-the-lungs cough.

“If that kid gets me sick …” I told my friend, and, “Why on earth isn’t he in bed?”

The cough that sounded like phenomena persisted. Eventually, Mom and Grandma took the boy, who was maybe 3, to the bathroom. When he came back, the cough had not only gotten worse, but his reaction had gotten worse: He started to vomit up phlegm from his lungs. I only saw it once before I felt like I would gag, and I continued to face forward, with my back to the boy.

My friend, however, got to watch all of it. Apparently, the phlegm vomiting did not stop for some time. She started to gag, too. This is a mom, who has, as she put it, been puked on, shat on and whatever-else on. But this was something she said she’d not seen before.

The waitress was nowhere to be found, so we took the liberty of reseating ourselves. Eventually, the family had finally left. But why did it take so long for them to leave? Why were they out with such an obviously ill kid anyway?

When the waitress came by to bring our drinks, we apologizes for moving. She let us in on a little secret: Apparently, before we even arrived, that kid had been throwing something like a 15-minute tantrum, hiding under the table and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Again, I ask, what the hell was that kid still doing in a restaurant?

And now, to end on a happy note: Holy god, this guy.

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8 Responses to “Certain people should be not allowed to procreate”

  1. PhaseThreeOfLife September 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    That is a whole lot of wrong.

  2. Ally September 22, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

    The thing about being a parent is, sometimes you have to pick up your kid and walk out on something you really wanted to do. Unfortunately, it comes with parenthood. It’s part of the deal. I cannot imagine staying in a restaurant while my kid threw so big a fit that he was vomiting phlegm. Or if he was sick and vomiting phlegm. Either way, he should not have been there.

    OMG that guy! I seriously thought he was lip synching at first! WOW!

  3. Missa Lee September 22, 2011 at 6:57 pm #

    First off, I had to watch this video like 3 times to see if he was faking it. AMAZING. Could do with out the stache tho- can I just do his voice?

    Second- when I read this title I smiled so wide. My boy and I say this all the time. There should be tests to have children. IQ tests, common sense tests, something. The thing that baffles me is that you would think it would be such a pain in the ass to lug around a sick kid. I wouldn’t even want to go out and have to deal with that. People…..

    • Jaclyn September 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

      My dad has always said that there should be a test to have kids, that folks should be born sterile until they prove they’re not an asshat. Oh, if only!

  4. Suburban Sweetheart September 22, 2011 at 7:48 pm #

    I have to say… *I* was the kid with this cough. Every fall, I got bronchitis that had me barking like a seal. I have a particularly disgusting cough, a phlegmy one that persisted for weeks & wouldn’t subside even when I was feeling better. Sometimes, I coughed so hard, I’d vomit, or pop blood vessels in my eyes. It was truly disgusting, but, like, I was OK. And I wasn’t going to not do anything or go anywhere just because my damn cough wouldn’t go away. And seriously, I cannot overstate how awful it was – in high school, my choir teacher tried to suspend me from showchoir for smoking, when I’d never touched a cigarette in my life. Even now, I regularly end up with whooping cough, which is, yes, something from, like, 1841. I don’t doubt your judgment that maybe this kid needed to be away from the general public (especially after a tantrum like that!), but I’m particularly sensitive to giving people with seal coughs the benefit of the doubt!

    • Missa Lee September 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

      I hear ya on this one- I had pneumonia every winter from the ages of 6-13. It really sucked. I would have to do breathing treatments on a machine like every few hours, and it was not pretty. I always look like death in Christmas pictures.

    • Jaclyn September 22, 2011 at 9:43 pm #

      If this kid was in high school, I wouldn’t have thought twice. Unfortunately, he was like 3 and really, really miserable. An adult who can control herself and NOT puke up phlegm in the middle of a restaurant? Totally cool. (Also, you poor thing. Whooping cough??? That blows.)

  5. Suburban Sweetheart September 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm #

    Also, just watched that video. SWOOOOOOON.

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