My apologies, Mom. This stuff does not make Joey seem “weird.” Joey IS weird. It also, however, makes him seem awesome. And very much like me, considering that I started Christmas shopping two days ago. What??? Kohl’s sent me $10 off $25 AND a 30 percent. I got seven (SEVEN!!!) gifts bought.
Yesterday evening, I took out the trash. As I came back in my apartment, I heard my phone ringing. Seeing as I am unable to not rush to the phone like a maniac when I hear it, I rushed doubly fast, because I had no idea how long it’d been ringing.
In the mad dash to my purse, I smacked my hand on the corner of a small wooden self. It ripped up a few layers of skin, which stung like a bitch (and bled more than I’d have guessed). So I was kind of in a fowl mood when I picked up the phone.
Mom says, “Joey has something to tell you.”
Oh, he does, does he? Joey doesn’t talk, mind you. He can make noises and try to sound out words. “Jaclyn” comes out “Jay-Ah-Cluh.” “Mom” is “Muh-Muh.” “Milkshake” is “mih-mih.” It’s like baby babble from a 22-year-old.
“Here, Joe, tell Jac.”
And I hear, “tee.”
“Mom, I don’t know what that means.” All the while, I am sucking on my pinky finger, silently cursing that blasted shelf.
“Joe, tell her again.”
“Mom, I really have no idea what that means.”
“Jac, he’s saying ‘tree.'”
“Oh.” This did not bring about the clarity I had hoped for. “Did he recently go for a walk in the park? Does he want to go outside and look at the trees?”
“No,” my mom said, and I heard the giggle in her voice. “He wants to put up the Christmas tree.”
Which promptly made my pained pinky go away as I burst out laughing so hard, I doubled over.
You see, Joey’s doesn’t get excited about much, but he loves to put up the Christmas tree (say, guess we have more than Coke in common!). He loves when my extended family get together for the holidays. My parents tend to keep things like “Auntie Carmen and Helen are coming over this weekend” or “Jackie’s coming home in four days” from Joey because he will ask for us every. Single. Waking. Minute. Until we arrive.
Which obviously made visions of sugerplums and an October Christmas tree dance in Mom’s head. No, she didn’t tell him that Christmas was three months away; he heard the holiday mentioned on the news.
He never was very good with timing. Remember this from last August?
Last year, my parents had the tree up about two weeks before Thanksgiving just to get him to stop asking for it. I wonder if the tree will make an appearance before Halloween this year?
Next year, maybe we can decorate it in red, white and blue for the Fourth of July.