I miss my mom

21 Apr

I’m always hesitant to say that because I don’t want to make my mom feel badly. She already feels guilty about me. She tells me all the time. When I was in high school, she felt guilty that Joey got all the attention.

I, meanwhile didn’t mind, or even notice all that much. I was too busy being a teenager.

However, there’s absolutely no reason for that guilt to still exist. I don’t like an ounce of worry or bad feeling to exist toward me because, frankly, her hands are already full. I’m fine. I can handle it. I’m not a teen anymore.

Mom rocks. And I have NO IDEA why all that white space is there. Sorry.

But, go figure, now, of all times, is when I care.

See, a teenage daughter needs a mother, and she was always a fantastic mother to me, even when I didn’t want it.

I can’t imagine a worse punishment for a person than having a teenage daughter. They’re spiteful, mean, bitchy and so, so cocky. And I was one of the good ones — no drugs or drinking or sex. I was always home before my curfew and didn’t even have a driver’s license, so it’s not like I could sneak out and get very far. Most Saturday nights, I babysat.

But, I still knew everything. I was Queen of the Eyeroll. I was still a little snot.

An adult daughter, meanwhile, doesn’t need a mother, per se. She needs the closest kind of friend a daughter can have.

Mom and I bond through shopping. We always have. Kohl’s and JC Penney have grown and cemented our relationship. And dammit, we don’t get to go shopping much anymore: Part of Joey’s new “phase” is getting pissy whenever Mom leaves. Or talks on the phone. Or isn’t bending to his puppet master ways. I don’t blame him; it’s not his fault. I’m not mad at him; he can’t help it. I don’t even resent him for it.

But … I miss my mom.

(This post was inspired by the post “The ‘other’ child” over at KoAutism, a single mom’s blog about her life with her autistic son … and her other child. You should seriously read it, if for no other reason to see the absolutely beautiful photo in the blog’s nameplate.)

Yeah, I clearly wasn't adopted. In grade school, she'd come visit, and teachers and friends of mine would say, "Oh my God, you're Jaclyn's mom." At family functions where I see relatives I never knew existed, I get, "Oh my God, you're Liz's daughter."

4 Responses to “I miss my mom”

  1. Shirley April 21, 2011 at 11:38 am #

    LOVELY post!

  2. Ally April 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm #

    You and your mom are adorable. Your mom looks so young, you almost look like sisters! (Which I never thought I’d say to anyone, because I got that all the time with my mom when I was a teenager and I HATED it then. Very different now that I’m an adult!) You and your mom are special ladies, thrown a curve ball in life, and handling it with grace, dignity and LOVE.

  3. kary April 26, 2011 at 12:17 am #

    I am so touched that you wrote about this topic, and it is so great to hear someone talk about it from your perspective…
    I enjoyed looking through your page, you are very talented 🙂
    Lastly, thank you for referring to my blog, that means lot…

    All my best.

    • kary April 26, 2011 at 12:18 am #

      Obviously I meant to say, A Lot

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