I don’t have any friends.

21 Mar

OK, that’s not entirely true. In fact, I have so many people I consider close that I know I am insanely blessed.

The problem is that 90 percent of my friends do not live in my current city. I have lived in three different states and five different cities. My besties live from Phoenix to New York City and everywhere in between. (In fact, if/whenever I find myself married, I predict having the exact same problem as said NYC friend.)

Yes, the beau lives here, and of course he’s my friend. If it weren’t for him, in fact, I suspect I’d have gone nutso by now. He not only keeps me sane; he keeps me happy.

But I’ve realized that recently, I’ve written about “the beau” a lot in Snap, Crackle, Pop. And I hate that I’ve become that girl who has to interject her man into whatever she writes about. But this is why I do it — because I feel like I have no friends, and if I’m doing anything fun, there’s a four in five chance that he was involved and to blame for said fun activity.

Of course, there are acquaintances, ladies whose company I do enjoy. But I’m instead referencing the ones you call up not just for a party but for a Saturday afternoon movie. Not just for a night out at the bar, but for a night in with some wine.

Part of my problem is that I’m picky. I’m way, way past the point of Friends of Convenience. You know what those are — those gals you hang out with because you have nothing better to do. Frankly, I prefer a bosom pal, and if we’re not clicking, that’s A-OK — but I ain’t gonna force it.

I do have a girlfriend here, the real kind, whose husband will cook us dinner, who will get excited to help me spray paint an old, ugly frame a pretty color so I can hang it on my wall. Someone who will listen to me bitch about whatever needs to be bitched about and will first say exactly the right thing and second pour me something alcoholic in a big fat martini glass. So I guess I shouldn’t complain:  My mom always used to tell me that if you have one REAL friend in your life, you are a lucky person.

I have many. I just wish they lived closer.

On Saturday, I went to dinner with out-of-stater friends. The beau and I visited my parents, and he and I met Erin and Kelly for dinner. Erin brought another girlfriend, and the five of us ate amazing Italian food and gabbed like goons.

When it was time to leave, I was so very sad. I miss my girlfriends. I did not want to leave, and I found myself moping on the train ride back.

To the folks who’ve moved as much as I have: Do you find yourself clinging to your bosom pals? Or do you go out and force yourself to make new friends? Tell me I’m not the only one with this problem!!!


5 Responses to “I don’t have any friends.”

  1. Suburban Sweetheart March 21, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

    I have ZERO FRIENDS HERE, & it pains me so much. I met another girl recently, one of Nathan’s friend’s girlfriends, & I was almost embarrassed by how excited I was to hang out with her.

  2. underestimatedmom March 21, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

    You are NOT the only one!!!! I moved here with my hubby only knowing family members and thank goodness for them or I’d be lost. My bosom buddies are an hour to 3 hours away.. I try to see them as much as I can but let’s just say it’s never enough.

    I agree with the fact that leaving is the hardest feeling. Even if you absoultely LOVE your life, leaving the people that mean the most to you behind make you feel like your amazing life would be so much more amazing if they were in it more.

    Also I haven’t gone out and forced myself to make friends. Part of it is because I am chicken and the second part is fake friends aren’t fun. I haven’t had to go through a meeting a crowd to find a best friend since college and I guess you could say I just want to find that one friend without all the hard work.

    One of these days I’ll get myself out there and make new friends but it’s going to take a little shoving..

    Good luck!

  3. Valli March 21, 2011 at 7:09 pm #

    It took me a year of living in VA, but I made two very good friends. Then I went to grad school and made several more very good friends (who stayed around for varying lengths of time before they left). And then, in the past couple years, I have made several other very good friends. Now I’ve lived here for almost 9 years, and to consider leaving is really, really hard. But I found that part of the reason I wasn’t making good friends was that I thought living here was temporary and that I was going to leave, so why bother? Either way is hard!

    • Meghan March 22, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

      I’ve struggled with this big time! I’ve made lots of really good friends in Phoenix, but Phoenix is also a town everyone is “from” someplace else. So while I’ve made several good friends in the 7 years I’ve lived here, 90 percent of them have moved back east or to CA in the meantime. It gets harder as we get older.

      • Jaclyn March 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

        You know, I’ve totally noticed that when you move, it’s easier to befriend people who move a lot, too. If you’ve lived in that city forever, you probably have your friends, but if you’re a newbie, you’re just as desperate for a group to pal around with. The problem is those people are the ones most likely to leave, too. That happened with three folks here in the span of like six months.

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