On fragile babies, periods and peeing standing up

8 Mar

I could not, in good faith, keep this conversation to myself. It is indicative of my friendship with Dana, a college friend I have become even closer to since graduation.

We love to try to make the other laugh so hard she cries or snorts or has trouble breathing. And we love LOVE to talk about God. Religion fascinates us, and we have the fabulous ability to talk about faith without wanting to stab the other person.

Not that we often want to stab people. But certain belief systems lend themselves to … let’s say a lack of acceptance, a certain judgmentalness.

We don’t really have that. Instead, we just throw shit out there and see what happens.

Dana et moi in October at a big honkin' antique store halfway between our homes. We didn't buy the hats ... but we so should have!

(This has been copy edited, because to post something with typeos might kill me, and it would sure as hell make Dana twitch like Tourettes when she read it.)

For the intro: Dana’s stepmother had a baby a few days ago. (Yes, that makes for a 29 year age difference.) She gets to meet the little sweetie tonight. I shared that I haven’t held a newborn since I was maybe 13 or 14. Then this happened.)

* * *

Dana: Why are babies so fucking fragile? Seems like a dumb idea on God’s part.

Me: I figure they kind of have, like, mouse skeleton in their bones. They have to squish a little because of the asinine way they come out of us.

Dana: The whole system is flawed.

Me: Well, except for the conception part. That’s cool.

Dana: I’m on my period this week, and I told Randy (her husband) last night that the fact that I will bleed for about a fifth of the year every year of my pre-menopausal life really makes me question whether there is an all-powerful god or not. Like … really? This is the best you could come up with?

Me: I’m trying to think of how to respond to this. Maybe that’s just further proof of evolution? Mammals get their period. So maybe God didn’t create us so much as he created that little microscopic fish we came from.

Dana: I’m sure whatever it is it is beyond my understanding … but until that reason is revealed, I’m sure God won’t mind if I say WTF???

Me: Nah, he prolly encourages it. Or, who knows, maybe he’s like “yeah … my bad …”

Dana: I’d still rather bleed for a fifth of my life than have my very sensitive reproductive organs dangling on the outside of my body. So I guess it just makes us even with the boys…

Me: And I bet they’d rather have theirs. Though I definitely think they got the better deal. I mean come on. They can pee standing up without getting it on t heir legs.

Dana: I’m sure that was especially handy back in the day when standing up was the only peeing option.

Me: Word.


4 Responses to “On fragile babies, periods and peeing standing up”

  1. Alisha in Ohio March 8, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    OMG. I ❤ YOU.

  2. Ally March 8, 2011 at 11:14 pm #

    OMG – that was the laugh I needed at the end of this very long, very stressful day. Thank you! You girls rock!

  3. dana March 9, 2011 at 7:55 am #

    I’m laughing and I was there. Hahahah. Nice, Jaclyn.

  4. Jayme (Random Blogette) March 9, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    I love conversations like this! These usually happen between me and the hubs though!

    And seriously, God has to be a man to think that it is ok for us to bleed a 5th of the year. I mean come on!


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