The Red Dress Club: Salt and Peppa’s Here

21 Jan

I don’t normally write fiction, but this was challenging enough to make me want to give it a go: Over at The Red Dress Club, the prompt is to write something entirely in dialog. I hope this works out the way I intend it to … and if you have suggestions, tell me how to make it better!!

Before I wrote this, I admit I looked at some of the other posts. A number of them fudged the prompt just a tich by including their own description and character thought-processes. Almost without fail, all the posts I read would have been cooler without all that extra padding. Sure, it gave the reader more info, but there’s something very interesting about allowing a reader to fill in all the blanks for his- or herself.

That being said … I have no idea if this post does what I mean it to.

* * *

Salt and Peppa’s Here

“You ready, babycakes?”

“All set!”

“Turn around, let me see. Mmm, ‘I oughta thank your mother for a butt like that!'”

“Why thank you, thank you. I bought them just for tonight.”

“I love that you’re making such a big deal out of this.”

“Why not? Six-month anniversaries are big!”

“Yeah, but …”

“Hun, I don’t care that you didn’t get me anything. I’m a dork. Celebrating half a year is just how I roll.”

“I kind of feel a little guilty. I mean … I’m such a guy.”

“HA! Well, what does that make me, then?”

“Girly?”

“Well … I’ve been called worse … don’t laugh at me!”

“You just look so sad, and for no reason! I love that you’re thoughtful. It means the world to me, and it’s my second favorite thing about you …”

“Stop looking at my ass!”

“Heh, well, it got to you grin. Gimme a smooch.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Love you, Ryan.”

“Love you, too, Lisa.”

* * *

Good writing doesn’t take explanation. I feel the need to explain what I was trying to do here, so obviously, it’s not very good writing. But that’s OK, because it took me out of my comfort zone.

My idea with this was to play with gender role. Upon first viewing, I wanted the reader to imagine the first speaker to be the man in the relationship and the second speaker to be the woman. Then, when I reveal the speakers names at the end of the piece, it shows … nope, other way.

Now, be honest: When you read it, who did you imagine as the first speaker and the second?

Advertisements

6 Responses to “The Red Dress Club: Salt and Peppa’s Here”

  1. Ally January 21, 2011 at 11:58 pm #

    I love that you turned it around on the reader! Good stuff!

  2. Carrie January 21, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    I actually did think it was a guy going all “girly” 🙂 Still, it flowed well and really, that’s what you want with dialogue.

    I was a cheater, I’ll admit it. BUT my contribution has a greater purpose, ie it will be part of my eventual novel so…needed some extra stuff :p

    Visiting from RDC

  3. Cheryl @ Mommypants January 22, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    I think straight dialogue absolutely CAN be done. Some of the people who linked up are working on larger projects. The prompt is meant to inspire. We don’t kick people out who deviate – yet! LOL The point is really to get us writing and thinking. And thinking about writing.

    You are right, though: if you have to explain, it didn’t work 100 percent. I like the idea of doing a twist, but not if it confuses the reader.

    That being said, I also knew who was who. 😉

  4. Kelly January 22, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    There was no explanation needed.

  5. Pepca January 22, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    I figured it out too, before the end. Works great, very naturally, I think.

  6. The Drama Mama January 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm #

    Hmmm..I love the dialogue, it was fantastic. Now I’m a little confused though, because I did think the 1st speaker was male, so when I got the end (and actually went back over it after your explanation), I got confused. In just the reading of it, I didn’t notice the subtle gender change.

I'd love to hear what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: