I last went to a flick a few Fridays ago, on the opening night of “The Woman in Black,” starring Harry Potter.
Going to movies is one of my favorite things to do. I love going to see chick flicks with girl friends (or solo — chick flicks make for the best Saturday solo matinee), end-of-the-world and/or alien flicks with my dad, comedies or comic book movies with the beau, or just about anything else. But lately, moviegoing has caused me more rage than pleasure.
Because it would appear that people have lost all semblance of those around them, wrapped entirely as they are in their own little bubble, caring naught for, oh, anyone else.
It doesn’t have to be this way, people, and with some common sense and common courtesy, going to movies can be fabulous for all.
1) First and foremost is the most obvious, most important item to list: Don’t. Touch. Your. Damn. Phone. You think you’re being sly by putting it in your lap, but let me tell you a secret: With stadium seating, I can see your phone from my seat five rows behind you. And that little tiny screen in the dark produces arguably the most obnoxious light I’ve ever seen. When you sit down, turn that blasted little machine to vibrate and don’t touch it again until the dang movie is over. I promise — nothing is going to happen in those two hours to your kid or on Facebook that you need to worry yourself over. If you’re that unable to go two hours without a phone or information fix, you have a problem and should seek treatment.
2) Keep your gasping to a minimum. “The Lady in Black” was a scary movie. There were things jumping out at us and loud noises to break up a silence that cause a moviegoer to end up on the floor. A shout or shriek or gasp is to be expected. However, when that ghost jumps out at you for the fourth time and you’re still letting out a blood-curling scream, you need to be punched in the face with one of these. You’re in public; if you can’t handle a scary movie like an adult, wait for it to hit Redbox.
3) Don’t sit by me. If we’re in a crowded theater and there’s no where else to sit, fine. I totally get it. But when I play it smart and get there with 15 minutes to spare and choose my seat, and you get there five minutes later with the majority of the theater still empty, please choose a seat that is more than three chairs away from me in any direction. That’s the beauty of a large theater, and it means if I ask my friend something, you don’t have to hear it; and if you ask your friend something, I don’t have to hear it.
4) This is a minor rule. It’s not as distracting as the first three, but again, common sense here: Don’t take your kid to a violent movie or one with sexy time where they’re going to ask things like, “Mommy, what is Bellatrix doing to Hermione?” True story — I was in the theater with some dimwit who took her 5-year-old to see the first installment of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” complete with torture. I think having to explain “Well dear, Bellatirx is a Death Eater and is performing the Cruciatus Curse on Hermione. It’s an Unforgivable Curse, and it causes her the very worse pain she will ever experience in her entire life,” might be a bit much for a child.
What are your worst movie time peeves?